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Monday, June 24, 2013

Mindfulness Monday

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Do you remember your dreams? 
I don't usually actively pay attention to my dreams. Like most people (out of those who do remember their dreams), I only pay attention when it was outstanding in one way or another. Like a really weird, exciting, or bad dream (a nightmare, I suppose).
Now I'm not going to go all dream analysis Freud on you. I'm just going to talk plainly here.
I had two not-so-great dreams in a row. By "not-so-great" I mean bad. Upsetting, saddening, and terrible.
The first one was a vivid aftermath experience of the death of my momma. Now let me be clear. My mom is NOT dead. However, this felt very real. One of those times where you're in a pillow of tears when you wake up. Which is exactly what happened. I do not wish to explain the details of this dream, but it had to do with me calling her phone just to hear her voice and the pain....that pain I experienced in the dream was the worst pain. The worst pain and it didn't even happen in real life. I will share that the way my mom died was in the same fashion as someone else I know that has passed on recently. In a way, the pain I felt in my dream gave me a greater empathy for those closer to that person. However, I was fortunate enough to wake up from my dream and give my mom a quick text before going back to sleep. Her response gave me a quick feeling of relief and then I was back to sleep. I couldn't imagine not being able to wake up from that horror. I feel deeply for those who have to live through that.
My pretty Momma:
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Now in a different dream, the night after, I believe. I had this dream where the person I loved and that made me happy was upset and I approached them, there was some dialog that just sank my heart. "I know that I make you happy, I just wish it were the same for me." Now how unbearably saddening is that?!?! What followed were some of those typical weird dream things that don't make logical sense. But basically, he was testing me? Or maybe it was a test of himself and if he truly was unhappy with me? No clue, but it ripped me apart. I woke up to see my real lover and he assured me that whoever that jerk was in my dream didn't know what he was talking about. ;)

Me and my dood:
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Until Next Time!